Selfless till you're forgotten.

I have come into a very real truth today:
Sometimes you can be so selfless, that people don't even think of you anymore. You aren't considered into plans, your feelings aren't considered and your are forgotten. How you feel, simply doesn't matter anymore.

I have been called to give of myself till I can't gve anymore, and someday the time will come that someone pours into me.

I feel like crap, my lady parts are stabbing me, I'm hungry, and my nephew ate the only thing that I have requested in months. My aunt doesn't care. "Well he only ate 4 ..." Bull.

Nobody cares.

I need mom and dad to get a house. Soon.

Yeah, Stay lovely.
Whatever.
Jen.

The Ache.

Have you ever had your heart feel like it's being ripped out of your chest and crushed? That's where I'm at and I have no idea why.

My heart feels tight, achy. I miss having friends around me, people I can text at midnight and spill my guts about how I feel lonely, tired, and drained. I miss having people that have known me for years. I wish I had some childhood friends.

I love the friends I have in my life. But I'm scared I'm going to end up alone. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's why I have a pit in my heart the size of the Grand Canyon. I'm alone.

I'm not usually one to complain about my feelings, let alone show people how the sad part of my heart is actually quite a bit larger than the sunny part.

The truth is: I'm a little more dark and twistie than bright and shiny. Not on all days, but I am, in fact, very good at blowing the clouds away for a short time so the sun can come out and play.

The other truth: is that I like it when it rains.

Adventure.

Over the next few months, I will be taking a hug step towards becoming the woman God is calling me to be. To walk in the plans that He has laid out for me. To be obedient to His Word and His Calling. To listen to what He is speaking to me. I fully and wholly dedicate this year to Him.

I will choose to believe God has joy, love and laughter for me. That He has amazing plans and a purpose for me. I CHOOSE to believe that there is provision, healing and safety in Him.

I don't want to spend another day filled with fear of the future and filled with uncertainty. God IS good. And we WILL win.

I choose God.
I choose love.
I choose life.

Stay lovely,
Jennifer.

Well.

It's 11:48 and I can't sleep. Maybe it's new sheets, maybe it's a new comforter. Maybe it's a new room, with a new feel. Maybe it's the vicodin I took for my migraine? Oh! Maybe it's the Dr. Pepper I drank, after 5 days of no caffeine. That's it. I promise.


I can't sleep.

Um.

I was just going through my posts, and realized I never posted anything for Jessica.

The young girl we had been looking for, was murdered the following Monday.
RIP Jessica Funk-Haslam. I really hope there is justice. You were so young,
and didn't deserve what happened.

I pray that God continues to touch her family.
I can't imagine what they are still going through,
knowing their daughters killer is still on the lose.

I loved you Jessica, even if it was only for a moment.

Stay Lovely (:
Jennifer.

I started this blog, thinking that it would be a good outlet, and I haven't even taken time to write much. Sad.

A lot has happpened since I wrote last.
I got a job.
It's amazing!
I am the administrative assistant to our Children's Pastor at our church.

God is really cool that way.
And since noone reads this, I feel like I'm talking to myself, but I shall do it anyways.

The next few posts are going to be relatively different.
Bear with me, I have a few different ideas going on in my head,
and I need to get them all down on paper :)

Stay Lovely,
Jennifer

Salt Water.

I haven't had time, really, to blog since my Nana passed away. I can't believe on Friday it will be a month, it doesn't seem possible that time still marches on when you feel like your world has completely stopped.

Lots of things have happened since that day. We buried her, I cried like a baby. My brother went on his first school retreat. I watched as my baby sisters had their last high school musical preformance, which I cried like a baby at the finale also.

I guess I've done a lot of that lately, crying. It's funny. It cleanses, and washes you. It feels good to cry but then again, you also feel kinda silly for crying sometimes. I know I did as I walked up to Carly & Madi, and couldn't hold the tears in.

I think there are good tears and bad tears. Scientist say when you cry cause of pain, or sadness the first tears come from the left side, the right when it's a happy cry. I don't know that they have ever fallen from the right, well, once. When my little cousin, Reese was born. She is the first baby I have cried when I saw and held for the first time. Perhaps it is because I know how long Andrea has waited for a baby? Idk. But I did tear up a little.

Tonight is Stars, so I have to bake.
My little cousins will be very happy about this :)
I'm gonna get back in the habit of writing, I promise!
.... Not that anyone reads this anyways. :)

Stay Lovely :)
Jennifer.